Super Bowl Sunday Performances: The Patriots Didn’t Suck Alone

Maybe Tom Brady was just as peeved by the musical lineup as Joe Music and just decided to phone it in today.  Or maybe being a Boy Toy of a supermodel and the Baby Daddy of another is just to much stress.  Dunno…

Even with the likes of Jordin Sparks and Alica Keys on the red carpet, there was something that just didn’t seem right.  Sure, Ryan Secrest was hamming it up, but Joe Music has become insulated to that and was able to deftly avoid hurling at the very sight of him.  And though Willie Nelson with Sara Evans had my head dry-heaving into a plastic bag, there was a glimmer of hope that somehow somehow this year would at least measure up to Prince’s phenomenal spectacle last year.  Even Sarah looked mildly depressed, and rightly so — Willie couldn’t even play the geetar, as at one point he just stopped trying and the cut the audio pickup as well.

And it got worse.

  Fox decided to do Paula Abdul a favor and allow her to debut her new single off of Randy Jackson’s album.  Good grief that was bad.  Imagine Britney’s doe-eyed spasmodic fit at the AMAs half-mimed by a pint-sized cougar in black spandex.  It sucked.  Bad.  And to put the sputum between the buns of my burger, Mr. Jackson was making some feeble attempt at humping the bass guitar in the background.  Didn’t he have stomach stapling a few years back?  Joe Music is pretty darn sure it failed.  Or he’s gotten pretty good at eating through pain.  Regardless, Fox is known for shilling out every artist that lives under their banner, but forget waterboarding: pipe this bile into the homes of every Islamic terrorists and just sit back and hear the wails.

Then there the halftime show with Tom Petty and the Pacemakers Heartbreakers.  Joe Music is pretty sure the Rolling Stones or older, but you wouldn’t have guessed it from their stance and trotting out tunes that were at least 10 years old.  Why?  If it wasn’t for Joe Music’s dedication to giving you the goods, this would have been the perfect time to push back cuticles or something.

If there was a bright moment in all of this, it was Jordin’s performance and the winner of the Dorito’s contest , Kina Grannis.  Both were pleasant surprises and left Joe Music with some hope that by the time the Grammy’s roll around, between us and the Patriots, one of us will be in a much better mood. 

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